Well, here I am again on a vent. This time, instead of resigning from my marriage like in my last post and which I know I need to update on sometime & not leave ya hangin' (are ya hangin'? anybody out there???) - oops, sorry... back to focus: this time, I'm resigning as Sibling/Mom Time Family Planner.
OMGosh, my mother drives me NUTS! She is so hard to please! I wear myself out emotionally and physically trying to make sure she is happy, not inconvenienced and never out of sorts.
Yes, I am 44 years old and STILL she rules the roost. What-ever.
The saddest, yes SADDEST, part, is that we, my sister & I, avoid her like the plague because we just don't have the energy to spend on her anymore. This is so sad! She is completely alone - she's, by her own accord, alienated her only living brother & her parents have died, so all she really has is me, my sister & our children. And we avoid her!!! Isn't that awful? I will go to the extent of NOT telling her when I've taken time off from work because she really believes that I should spend that time with her - and I wouldn't mind if the time would be FUN. But it's not. It's draining & straining and I'd rather sit home alone & watch non-stop CSI on Spike all day. Truly.
So, the latest is Mom's birthday. Now we CANNOT avoid her on her birthday and we know this. So we're doing our best to accommodate her, on her schedule without overly compensating ours, so that we can get together as a family & celebrate her birthday. The sooner the better so we can get it over with. I know that is horrible, but unfortunately, this is our life with Mom.
So I have spent the last 4 days on the phone or on email trying to get Mom, my sister and me on the same page, on the same schedule, on the same plan for what we can do - that is, of course, whatever it is Mom wants to do... which isn't easy because it's like pulling teeth to get her to tell us anything. We're playing a damn guessing game making suggestions then reading her response for clues as to whether this is a good idea or a bad idea because she won't vocalize it. She just answers in the affirmative, very unemotionally or very enthusiastically, regardless of how she really feels. So we have to read her instead of hear her...
So! Yesterday I tapped into a good idea. She was enthusiastic and willing. Get the sis on board and start to map it out. Call Mom today to say "it's a go." And I get silence. Hmmm, this would be one of those negative reads I get because, instead of saying, "no, I don't want to do that," she just gets quiet. So I have to coerce it out of her, which really ticks me off, only to find out she doesn't really want to do what we came up with! So, I get on the horn & let my sister know the plans have, once again, changed and we start anew. Ugh & what-ever.
And as a result, I am now putting together my resignation letter:
Dear Mom and Sis,
I am hereby resigning from my self-assumed role as Family Planner. As you know, I put alot of effort into coordinating our get togethers during a time frame that works for all families. This is not an easy task but I do my best. In the end, we end up doing what one of you wants to do regardless of my ideas, and I am always willing to go along with the new plans, so I've decided it would probably be best if either of you did the planning instead of me.
I think, moving forward, the 2 of you should decide what is best to do and when it is best to do it - if we can join you, we absolutely will be there. I realize this means there will be times we cannot attend and I'm willing to accept that. It is what it is.
My one suggestion is to advise both of you to SPEAK UP and be CLEAR. If there is something you definitely want to do, say so! If there is something you don't want to do, say so. Feelings are more hurt when someone pretends to be interested & the planning begins then if you'd just be honest to begin with. This guessing game, and waiting to hear back, and stalling to avoid committing is ridiculous! We're all adults and it's time we started acting like it.
So, there. I wrote it. Now I just have to get up the nerve to send it.
